New Religion Jokes - Page 12 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"

Me: "Nun."

How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?

Because she was straight into Jesus.

Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?

Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck her hahaha 🤣

What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?

An AK-BAR 47.

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."