Relationship jokes

Women are like marshmallows because they're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

*guitar solo*

Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.

Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.

Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"

(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)

Poirier: Really, bitch?

Fine, then if I can't do Gwen, then I guess it is Tenya and Kenya. #Twin sisters! Tenya and Kenya!

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

My mom is actually a mum! 😱

Doctor: Hands husband his baby.

Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Husband: Then give me the one she made.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?

Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.

What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?

They both break your heart.

My sexlife xddddddddd

I love everyone.

Ttt.

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?

Because he had a crush on her.

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

My ex's love for me :(

I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.

My bro said food was cool. So I threw a piece of cool chicken at him. For some reason, he hit me, OOF.

"You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."

"Don't have sex" - Jake.