Relationship jokes

I once cummed on my boyfriend's dick. { puts an eggplant emoji }

I like to watch porn too ;)

If you hit 9999 orphans and they all tell each other, are the other orphans their parents???

My ex's love for me :(

I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.

My bro said food was cool. So I threw a piece of cool chicken at him. For some reason, he hit me, OOF.

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

*guitar solo*

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

Fine, then if I can't do Gwen, then I guess it is Tenya and Kenya. #Twin sisters! Tenya and Kenya!

Doctor: Hands husband his baby.

Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Husband: Then give me the one she made.

I love everyone.

My sexlife xddddddddd

What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?

They both break your heart.

Ttt.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?

Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.

Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?

Because he had a crush on her.

"Don't have sex" - Jake.

What's two lesbians in a tent?

A finger hut.

When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."

Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I have no friends :'(

So this guy we talked to wanted me to leave forever, and we said, "What? You never want to hear from me again?"