Relationship jokes

When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."

I saw my girlfriend walking by. I told her, "Wow, you look so beautiful!" and then we started to talk. Then someone came behind me. She said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm flirting," and I remember I was talking to my mom, and my girlfriend was HER MOM, which is my sister, but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE, but my mom is my wife too. Looks like I'm getting a divorced but which one, my girlfriend [or] my mom?

Yo mama!

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

Little Johnny's dad was drunk and told him to grow up, and he said, "STFU, you need to be young, you big-ass bitch!"

I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.

I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."

You're not my dad.

I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.

Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

She replies, "Really original."

Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

She replies, "Ew, gross."

Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

Winner dog 3.

Your mom.

Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!

Your mommy.

When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.

A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.

When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.

The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.

Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.

Ya mums, ya dad.

What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

"Will you listen now?!??"

"Don't have sex" - Jake.

"You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."

Your name is baller cuz ur in my mom's baller.

Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"