Relationship jokes

If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.

I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.

"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and sick his dick.

Son: I love you, Dad.

Dad gets in car and drives away.

Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.

Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!

GF: Laying down.

BF: GROANING

GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?

BF: Yeah, why?

GF: Shoot that did in there.

BF: Mmmhuugh

Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!

BOOMSHACKALATA!

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

My d*ck is hard, what's your name?

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag.

OK, I'm joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.

Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.

Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.

My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.