Relationship jokes
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
Y'uree: Bruh... listen... gangbang... sex... the same.
Halyei: Hello Y'uree and Jarod. How are you guys today?
Y'uree: Well, sexy girls like you should be ass-fucked or fucked so hard that all you can do is talk or nothing at all?
Halyei: Thank you, I suck dicks too!
Jarod: Are you Breya???
Halyei: No... do I look like that flying bastard???
Jarod: Ugh... no... baby, you're free to go!
Halyei: Sorry, I miss cursing and having sex with her too! Sorry for being an idiot. I really miss her. Maybe you and I can give her a threesome??? No, I'm not gay! WHY!!!!!!! Can you come to the please fuck me! It's the fuckable girls contest and I want to win! Sorry!
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
A fan gave another fan a blowjob.
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What did Jim say to Jeff? "I killed your ham."
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?
Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.