Relationship jokes
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
"Uwu daddy."
Yo mamma sucks!
Why did the orphan cry to the teacher? Because they have no one else.
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
"Hey, is that a peach?"
*gets slapped on the butt*
"Noted."
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
Want to have sex?
Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.