Relationship jokes

What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?

Beauty!

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?

Alright ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! Have a good fucking life, I hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever I've passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beef, I'll fight u bro, ur prob a stick, I'm fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.

What do women and dog turds have in common?

The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Dmitriy has no mother.

My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.

Hey Gwen, uhhhhhhh, fresfry told me to tell you I like you. Jk, I don't.

Gwen pegs Xavier.

My boyfriend's sister is mad because I smashed his girl.

"Roses are red, I'm a girl, Now go and take a hike."

Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.

Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?

My sister wearing all the world's makeup.

Sister: Just a little.

Women, you're a marshmallow because you're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.

Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?

'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.

Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?

Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??

Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.

"Hey, is that a peach?"

*gets slapped on the butt*

"Noted."

It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.

Yo mamma sucks!

"Can we do 69?"

"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"

Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.

So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby