Relationship jokes

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

I have a girlfriend with a big dick.

What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

"Can we do 69?"

"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they don't have someone to call daddy.

Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.

So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby

Yo mamma sucks!

Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂

"Uwu daddy."

What's long, hard, and full of semen?

Answer: Me.

I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!

Why did the orphan cry to the teacher? Because they have no one else.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

Want to have sex?

Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.

If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?