Relationship jokes

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.

What did the dick say to the asshole?

You need another dick.

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"

My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.

Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.

The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

The Son: "Because milk is important."

The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

The Boy: "Who?"

The Man: "Your mom?"

The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.

I fucked your mum!

I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!

What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

Why did Sally not save the mountain climber?

Because it was her dad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, Had some fun. She forgot her pill, And now we have Jonny!

There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?

You don't want your computer to go down on you.

I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?

He made her.

I'm serious, what's a "dad?"

My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.