Relationship jokes

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.

The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

What song does an orphan hate?

"We Are Family."

Why does your mom hate you?

Because you are a loser.

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"

Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.

oOO laLA!

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

Two sticks only make a fire.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.

What did Love name his daughter?

Sweetheart. ♥

My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.