Relationship jokes

My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?

Pussy = drugs.

Me and my mom order Chinese food.

My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

I f*** my dad. Please help me. 😭😭😭😭

The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

The person I hate: Rood.

Me: Shut up.

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

What does "A" say to "ss"?

"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

Are you gay? Yeah, because I loved you.

If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're parents left you."

Roses are red, Violet are blue, Ur dad bought you.

What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?

He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.

Girl: Boys are like sports, they get played.

Boy: Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.