Relationship jokes

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.

Her name was Lola.

She was a loner.

At the Copa.

Then I saw her,

And I got a boner.

The next morning,

She couldn't remember if I banged her.

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.

Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.

Mineta: Go on.

Denki: Uraraka's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it.

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: ^cries T_T^

Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.

Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.