Relationship jokes

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they got nobody to call "daddy."

Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"

This dick ain't gon to suck itself.

<😏__ \ 👇 \ _/ 🍆\_

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.

Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

Why is the orphan cold?

'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.

How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.

I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.

Gwen: Addison, I don't mean to be mean but you're really starting to be an asshole!

Addison: I don't know what you mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

Kariah: That's sad!

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

What do girls and toilet roll have in common?

They both deal with a lot of crap.

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

What do you call it when an orphan takes a photo?

A family photo.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

What song does an orphan hate?

"We Are Family."

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

Your mum gay.