Relationship jokes

It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.

What do girls and toilet roll have in common?

They both deal with a lot of crap.

Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a photo?

A family photo.

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

What do people have that orphans don't? A family.

Gwen: Addison, I don't mean to be mean but you're really starting to be an asshole!

Addison: I don't know what you mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

Kariah: That's sad!

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.

Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.

How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.

This dick ain't gon to suck itself.

<😏__ \ 👇 \ _/ 🍆\_

Why is the orphan cold?

'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"

Dad: What did your older brother say before he lost his virginity?

Son: Dad, please don't.

Dad: Exactly.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"

Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!

I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.

Your mum gay.