Relationship jokes
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."
Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.
What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?
Rap lovers get more pussy.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
Why woman?