Relationship jokes

Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.

Girl: Boys are like sports, they get played.

Boy: Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.

Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.

What do people have that orphans don't? A family.

Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.

Don't ever wanna fuck a dude!!

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

Why does your mom hate you?

Because you are a loser.

What does a wife and a boombox have in common?

They only work when you beat them.

Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.

This news: family neuters furry son.

Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.

The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.

Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.

oOO laLA!

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

Are you gay? Yeah, because I loved you.

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?

He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.