Relationship jokes
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.
So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
Why did the orphan take a selfie?
Because he wanted a family portrait.
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."