Relationship jokes
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.
Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!