Relationship jokes
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
Do you know why orphans can't get married?
Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Why are all lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.