Relationship jokes

I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.

Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:

Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

What do you call a mom that is yours?

Your mom!

Hi Mom, how are you doing?

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

SEX Some Event Xaern

Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

Just chatting, Tim! 🌷🌷🌷🌷

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.