Relationship jokes

Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."

The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.

Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?

Mom: No, that's impossible.

Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?

Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.

Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^

You're really sexy 😉

Papa: Johnny, Johnny.

Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Papa: Open wide.

Johnny: HAHAHA.

Papa: *unzips pants*

Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!

It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE

I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.

Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.

Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".