Relationship jokes

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?

John fucked them both in the rear.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?

“You got nice buns!”

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Dad!

Dad who?

*Silence*

Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!

What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

One is actually used.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!