Relationship jokes
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
Are you a border? 'Cause I can't get over you.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Blood may be thicker than water, but yo mama is thicker than anything!
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?
One is actually used.
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*