Relationship jokes

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?

John fucked them both in the rear.

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁

What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?

“You got nice buns!”

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

Hey daddy *winky face*

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?