Relationship jokes

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

Hey daddy *winky face*

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Why do some couples go to the gym together?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.

Random couple after their first night:

Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?

Wife: ☠️

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

What is black, white, and red all over?

My third wife.

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

What’s the hardest bit about having anal sex?

Repeatedly getting a cock shoved in your arse🤣