Relationship jokes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"
Why did my dad leave me?
Because I was gay.
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
I told my wife her eyebrows were too high.
She looked surprised.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
Like if you know an orphan.
Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.
I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.