Relationship jokes

Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?

Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"

Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

I like your mom naked.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"

When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"

I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call “daddy.”

I told my wife her eyebrows were too high.

She looked surprised.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.