Relationship jokes
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?
"Billie Jean is not my lover!"
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Hi, Dad.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.