Relationship jokes
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
If two feminazis are carpet munchers, which one in the lesbian relationship cooks?
They both don't because both of the carpet munchers are too busy eating each other's pussy 😋 🤪 😌 😏 😜 👍 👍 👌 👌 👏 🏆 🥇 💭 🤔 😮 😁 😊 😃 😄 👌 😍 🥰 ☺️
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?
Fill her closet with see-through clothes.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
That shirt's very becoming on you.
If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.