Relationship jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?

Mother's Day and Father's Day.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

People love you.

Don't die.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?

Because they don’t have a sister.