My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
Relationship Jokes
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Why can’t orphans be married?
Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
Orphan: Can I come over?
Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
