New Relationship Jokes - Page 26

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.