I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?
A finger-gun👉👌
If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
What hurts the most? 😹
A. Breaking up before chewing.
B. Breaking up after chewing.
Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
