Relationship jokes

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?

One doesn't eat their husband out.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"

Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.

When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.

Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”

Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?

Sans: Measuring your patience.

Papyrus: Grunts

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

Dear algebra,

I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".