Relationship jokes
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
You're dumb, but that's not what she said.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts