Relationship jokes
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
My parents love me.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.