Relationship jokes
Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
My parents love me.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.