Relationship jokes

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.

Why is my dick like a balloon?

The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?

One doesn't eat their husband out.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"

Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.

When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

You're dumb, but that's not what she said.

So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.