Relationship jokes

What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.

Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.

Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.

My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?

What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!

FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?

LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?

FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!

LONELY ORPHAN: :(

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.

When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?

What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?

They are always so distant! :-]

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊