Relationship jokes

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

I was doin' your mom, yes yours!

You know we straight with doin' your mom.

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.

The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?

That’s assault!

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.

The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.

The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.

Incest.

When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

What did Love name his daughter?

Sweetheart. ♥

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.

Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA