A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.
The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?
A dumpling.
A fan gave another fan a blowjob.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.
My brother truly is a numbskull.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
