Relationship jokes
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
No one has my back like my dad.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!
Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!
Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT
Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sister.
Sister who?
My sister's ass.
What is your name in my phone?
I love your house. I have been in your art for.
How can you tell when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's knob tastes funny.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.