Relationship jokes
I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?
Because it's male bonding.
If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?
"Not now, I have a headache."
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...
So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."
And then I feed him my dick.
What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?
Her, probably.
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.