Relationship jokes
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
Mom!
Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
What song does an orphan hate?
"We Are Family."
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
What did the orphan say to his stepmom?
"I need help."
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.
Mom!
Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.
I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
Gwen, are you mad at me? Cause that was a faker.
Like the faker Gwen?
Gwen, I am not gay. There is some stupid faker online! I swear on my life that I am not!
Btw, if I was gay, then why am I chatting and dating a girl?