Relationship jokes

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?

Awww, Gwen thinks she has a boyfriend! Oh wait, no you don't! She is just some loser ass bitch who could be a ho, you don't know. He was mine, and I want him back!

Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)

My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

Mom!

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

What song does an orphan hate?

"We Are Family."

Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up.

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!

What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourself!

What did the orphan say to his stepmom?

"I need help."

Why can’t orphans have sex?

'Cause they have no one to call daddy!

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk, but only one person knows about it.