Depression hits harder than my dad.
Relationship Jokes
The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.
I have a girlfriend with a big dick.
Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"
Mister: No, you shit head.
Boy: Why? :(
Mister: Because I'm not your dad.
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
