Relationship jokes
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Wife: βI want another baby.β
Husband: βThatβs a relief, I also really donβt like this one!β
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"