Relationship jokes
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"
When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.
Me: Takes five minutes.
Me: Hun, you done yet?
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.