Relationship jokes
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
Why woman?
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
Orphans: Sad, Depressed, Lonely, Virgin.