What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.
I think we know why.
Why can orphans just be gay?
Cause they want to call somebody "daddy."
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.
Love you baby :^
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "Daddy."
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
