Relationship jokes

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

Why does my brother have no mom?

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."

"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."

I am cutie cutie, just like my bro, herishy.

Why did your parents abandon you?

Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."

A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"

Your mom is hot.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.