Relationship jokes
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
Yo mama so fat, she took both sides of the family.
"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
You and Jason in your bed.
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
What relationship status fits an orphan?
Single.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
William Spiser is SOOOOOOO gay and likes MEN!
I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.
Why was the orphan single? Because it could not call someone "daddy".
Why can't an orphan be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."