Relationship jokes
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Where's your mom at?
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?
Wash off the birch sap from the face.
Chat date for Gwen and Tj.
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time… and walk past.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
What’s the difference between a dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."