A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out... The tree ghosted her
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
the last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”😂
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
Closer kin, deeper in !
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. -- If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. -- Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
How do emos propose
Would you like to join my family tree
2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
