Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it's early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" *Lauren hears noise* Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: *laughs* Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother Mikey*
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign. If her parents didn't want her, why would I.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
I will Always Love You!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
A couple is on their first date. Man: How do you feel about sex? Woman: I like it infrequently. Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
I dated a furry once The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah
My wife called me a pedo that's a big word for a 6 year old
me: brags about my 30 kill streak
the jury: O.o
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Someone: I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE Me: Then stay at 1 000 000 km of me.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once We had sex afterwards even though she lost
I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
