Relationship

Relationship Jokes

Wife

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

Preschool

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

Paternity

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

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  • Woman

    What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

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  • Robot

    What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

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  • Pregnancy

    Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

    Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

    Mom

    Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.

    Sex

    My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

    Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

    That's the best I've done so far.

    Key

    What’s the key to a successful relationship?

    Consent.

    Marriage

    A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

    Bullshit

    Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

    Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

    Pencil

    I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

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  • Alabama

    Most states:

    "It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."

    Alabama:

    "She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."