What is a pedophile's favourite dating site? Kinder
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
Bf:what do you think about our love?
Gf:count the stars in the sky
Bf:aww its infinity
Gf:nope just a waste of time
Dating a striper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down inside they want some too.
The definition of a stalker is two people going on a romantic walk but only one person knows about it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.
But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Wives are like Grenade’s. Pull the ring and the house is gone
my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I canteloupe.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
