one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said "but the world is round"
I said, babe you are my world.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf's heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out... The tree ghosted her
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
the last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”😂
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
