Relationship jokes

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

The best quote by Kim Jong Un:

"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."

Girl: Rip, mother, I love you.

Me: Sorry for your loss.

Girl: Stop, I have a boyfriend.

Me: Stop, I have a mother.

Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3

Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.

Mom: jk

Mom! (DYM 14)

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.

May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Gwen!!!!!! I need your help!!!!!!!!!!

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

"Gwen don't want break up! Please talk to me!"

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.