My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
When you send her a dick pic but then she sends you one right back...
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf's heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks
