Red jokes

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.

Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

Roses are red... blood is too... I wonder how blood would look on you.

What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?

The baby you just feed nails to.

Roses are red, I am Groot, Honey, where's my super suit?

I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.

Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.

Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.

A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.

Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.

The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,

The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.

Roses are red,

foxes are red,

I like your butt, let me touch it forever.

What's black, white, and red all over?

Lossvagus school shooting.