Red Jokes

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.

The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.

What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

Her abortion.

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

Roses are red Violets are blue I know a pedophile And he says he knows you

What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.

What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.

What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.

How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?

There were an awful lot of red flags!

What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?

Abortion of chips.

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the third ones for you

roses are red vilets are blue i toke a poo and it smelt like u

Roses are red, I am very cool, You, on the other hand, Need to drown yourself in a pool.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.

Roses are red... blood is too... I wonder how blood would look on you.

Roses are red, My cat try to kill your next >:)

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?