Put jokes

What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?

Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D

Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

Jump in the Cadillac. (Girl, let's put some miles on it.) Anything you want. (Just to put a smile on it.) You deserve it, baby, you deserve it all, And I'm gonna give it to you. Gold jewelry shining so bright, Strawberry champagne on ice, Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like.

-Tommyinnit

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.

Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!

Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.

Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber 🥒

My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.

Zis iz za best joke in za west: exsepz if zu put ketup in shawarma itz yo mama!

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.