Put jokes

My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.

What kind of poo should you put in your hair?

Shampoo.

Sorry.

Why are you sorry?

Sorry for putting deez nuts in your mouth.

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

Why can't orphans play Monopoly?

Because they can't put a house.

When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.

You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

I put glue in a man :)

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"

A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.

When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!

There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.

There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.

Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?

The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.