Put jokes

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Why haven't they put Stephen Hawking in charge yet?

Can I put my balls in your jaw <3?

Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.

What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.

What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.

Put a kid in a wheelchair in the Twin Towers. Damn, I love Hot Wheels!

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D

How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

What do superheroes put in their drinks?

Just ice.

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.