Put jokes
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.
Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
Memes
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
Once I read a book about glue.
I couldn't put it down.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.