Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Put Jokes
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
Once I read a book about glue.
I couldn't put it down.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.
It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.
Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.
(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Do you know what Fortnite was like before season 2 chapter 3? They put the Foundation / The Rock in the water where aliens were that season.
