Puns
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! πππππππππππππ
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadnβt seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman Iβd become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
βYes, itβs such a shame that sheβs gone blind,β she said sadly.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.