Puns
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
What's a bull's favorite body part?
An eye-BULL!
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.
*insert pun here*
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
What did the whale say?
Nothing!
It just wailed.
My teacher: Time can't count.
Me: Every second counts.
My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
Why did the sea cry?
Because it felt salty and blue.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
Scree.