Puns

I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.

I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."

The boy ran into the gym, why?

Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."

Orange: Hey.

Pear: Hey.

Orange: No hay!

Sauron said, "Eye see all."

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.

What’s impossible?

Steven Walkings.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.

Why did the sea cry?

Because it felt salty and blue.

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?

There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

My wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!