Puns

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.

"I was lost in the woods yesterday."

"I was in some sticky situation..."

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

Fortnite Android Beta

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because its uncles were all aunts!

Playing a game called 7-Up.

Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?

Teacher: It's cheating!

Student: No! It's the object of the game.

What is the chair's favorite person?

A sit-izen.

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!

Did you know that ASL is a dead language?

Yeah, nobody speaks it.

I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.

What do you call a hill with cows on it?

A Moo-ntain.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?

You get a good connection.

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

Why can’t you run in a campground?

Because it’s past tents.

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"