Puns
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.