Puns

What room does a ghost not want to be in?

The living room.

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.

What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?

They sync properly.

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?

A chill pill.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

Why did piglet go to the bathroom?

To search for Poo.

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.