Puns
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
Who’s the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table?
Circumference.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.