Puns
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.