Puns
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!
Your mum gay. LOL. Funny me!
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂
A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.
The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"
The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
Yo, Buster, I hope I am not busting your bubble.
If you're Canadian in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?
European.
I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shhhhhhhhhh.
Shhhhhhhhhh who?
Shhhhhhhhhhampoo!