Puns
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?
Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
No, you!
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
Your mum gay. LOL. Funny me!
Hey Max, what's up? The sky.
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!