Puns

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

Face-Timing My Girlfriend:

"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*

What is a box called when a cough dies in it?

A coffin.

Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?

Because they are high.

Is your fridge running?

Why yes, it is!

Then you better go catch it!

Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.

Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!

What do you say to toast with bad shoes?

"Butter those."

Your mum gay. LOL. Funny me!

Yo, Buster, I hope I am not busting your bubble.

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.

KA-DOOM-CHA!

What’s the best math equation to eat?

Cosine Law.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

5+2 = 7

But 4+3 also = 7

So take your own path.

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.