Puns

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Which mineral is so impolite?

IRONic.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

I knead bread.

5+2 = 7

But 4+3 also = 7

So take your own path.

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Shhhhhhhhhh.

Shhhhhhhhhh who?

Shhhhhhhhhhampoo!

I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.

KA-DOOM-CHA!

What’s the best math equation to eat?

Cosine Law.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

A man walks into a bar and sees a piece of steak on the ceiling.

The cashier says, "If you can grab it, your meal's free!"

The man then said, "Nah, the stakes are too high."

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

Hey Max, what's up? The sky.

If you're Canadian in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?

European.

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

How do you close a cabinet?

You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!