Puns

I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Shhhhhhhhhh.

Shhhhhhhhhh who?

Shhhhhhhhhhampoo!

Which mineral is so impolite?

IRONic.

I knead bread.

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

5+2 = 7

But 4+3 also = 7

So take your own path.

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.

KA-DOOM-CHA!

Hey Max, what's up? The sky.

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

My dick said that your ass is having a boner.

How do you close a cabinet?

You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!

I guess this is pretty plane.

I am sorry I am just winging it.

Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.

Wow, I just landed that one!

I ain’t a chicken, but I ate a duck before.

Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?